Today I received incomprehensible notification from one of Ellies tutors. Its the kind of stuff that stops you in your tracks and makes you think long and hard through stinging, helpless tears and frustration. And when you are 5.5 hours from the child you adore, it magnifies the situation ten fold. I hated the rest of the day and berated myself for opting to come and work a gabillion miles from her little cuddly arms.
Lamenting still, when I got in from
work, I flicked through a number of forgotten images on my ancient
laptop. I use an old macbook pro up here for basic graphic work which I
still lovingly create. Its bleeding ancient and works like dial up
internet speed. As I type, now, the damn thing is groaning under each
letter I type. Anyway. I was delighted to re-discover these images of
her which I think were taken in 2008.
I distinctly remember the occasion, though. She was waiting to be
collected by one of her friends for her first ever non-parent escorted cinema outing
(it was a big deal). She is wearing mascara for
the first time and a little lip slick. Its also before she grew her fringe
out and I'm positively squealing over those delicious curls
rediscovered this picture of her too. I loved this top and blouse set
she had on. I took a huge series of images in that outfit, that day.
But this one stood out the most because of that toothy, cheeky grin. I
could literally burst at how much I love her and this image
then the sighing and the grieving heart started flicking through my
iphone pics of us. Just something and nothing memories of us being
mischievous right through to after boring shopping trips. But best of
all, we are just together.
So, after skimming through so many pictures of her and with a great deal of afterthought, I'm ready to tackle the battle ahead.
I'm the lioness, she is my cub.
And you do everything to protect the pack, right?