Ladies Camera Club

23 Jul 2012

This is what I conclude

A kind of loooong entry so grab yourself a coffee for this one!

Today was my first proper day off in WEEKS.  And the plan was to spend the day with my Belles and so I did.  I got up early, as did she and we took our time getting bathed and getting dressed.  Ellie has a little ritual after a bath and it would be silly to break the regime; so we didn't rush.  If Ellie had her way, she would walk around without a stitch on aside from her slippers (my god, does she love her slippers - and the boot style ones at that).  She just likes to dry off in her own sweet time although half the time she is sooooo hot after a bath, she often falls asleep.

She also likes her back tickled, whilst its drying and then when she feels ready, she will let me brush that tangled mass of knotty curls.  Ever since day one, she has cried during a hair brushing.  You would think by now that she would be used to it.  And we have used a gazillion detangling solutions and hardly any ease the pain; she must be head sore, for sure.  It breaks my heart to see her cry because of this.  I tell her I hate it but she always hugs me at the end, even though she is still pulsating from the debacle.

Here she is, all close and eyes open (for a change!). 

She wore a flowery frock today, with her converse and said we should both wear our skirts, leggings and converse, so I obliged.  **Only mine are not converse but more converse effect!

As I was getting ready, she was flipping from video to video on You Tube on my iPhone.  She is a You Tube addict and knows a million different videos to suit every occasion or link to conversation.  She purposely finds the right video to cheer us up or make us laugh.  She is so attune to emotion even though her emotions are pretty much monotone.  Its so intriguing to have a connection with a child whose sole purpose to make other people happy when its hard to tell when she is or she isn't half the time.

So, anyway, she shows me the You Tube clip of all You Tube clips.  And this is mine and her favourite right now

We quote "bacon" and "yeah?" ......ALL.  THE.  TIME.  I think it will be my fave You Tube clip forever.

And so I put this one on for her, because it is heartbreakingly cute and makes me cry with so much happiness

And then she puts this on and we both start crying.

And its weird because this is so new for Ellie.  She just barely ever cries and certainly not out of empathy.  In fact, I have never seen her cry because of empathy; its usually from hurt.  Its been kind of a revelation; all this crying!

Then we lead onto this You Tube clip

and then this one, because our animals love us so.  And Dogs reacting in this way had us bawling our eyes out!

and before we knew it, it was time to go clothes shopping.  But really, I would have liked to stay in and You Tube ALL DAY with her - and cry!

Once a year, we go on a summer wardrobe trip.  Its very difficult to find grown up looking clothes for her as she wears aged 9-10 clothes when, ideally, she should be wearing clothes fit for an almost 17 year old.  So we trawled a few shops and discovered that Ellie is just about in an adult size 6 (US 2) although for a true fit, she should be a size 4 (US Zero) - but its rare to find a size 4 in the UK although I have seen them in Asda, of all places.  Its not ideal but what can we do?  The girl eats and eats and eats.  It was fun to see her experimenting with grown up looking clothes and them almost fitting.  And the best of it is, she bought lots of skirts and summer dresses with light cardigans and leggings to match.  I tell you, the changes in my girl are just immense.

I took her for lunch.  And the topic of conversation with Ellie ALWAYS revolves around animals.  ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS.  I never tire of it as she is the Animal Fact Queen of the world.  Today's animal was actually Shark Breeds.  She was munching on a ham sammich when she put it down and held my chin to look me right in the eye and she said "Mum, if I go on Pointless and the topic was sharks, I'd win that show".  And I actually know she would.  Because out of the 400+ breeds of sharks, she knows so many of them.  And we discussed them and wiki'd them on the phone.  My god, it was like I had given her £100!  Ellie is currently obsessed with Sharks, Dinosaurs and species of primates - Marmosets being her ultimate faves next to Lemurs.  She is an education to me, that kid.  Society can go and shove their shitty and judgemental attitudes where the sun don't shine as far as I am concerned because this kid is a walking encyclopedia.

Talking of society, the looks and stares we get when we go out are just vile.  Kids I can sort of put up with but actual adults "jaws dropping and finger pointing" is starting to grate on my nerves now.  I wouldn't normally care but its not as if Ellie has any distinguishing "freakish" features.  She just walks a bit funny, in between wheel chair breaks, and is very, very thin.  But because I was so happy to be with her and enjoy all she had to share, I kind of tossed my nose in the air at them and hoped they would feel ashamed.

We had such a lovely afternoon.  She got new clothes and some dvd's with her pocket money and I got an abundance of happiness.  But the day didn't stop there.  We had a BBQ OUTDOORS!!!  And for the record, they are Mark's legs

I know, crazy, isn't it?  We love nothing more than to eat outside in the fresh, warm air and chat.  Aboutt animals.  Again.

And then we went to the cinema.  It was Ellies choice to go and see Ice Age 4.  It was utter garbage but the best bit of the night was watching Ellie totally enjoying the film with a permanent grin on her face.  I think that's what my entrance fee covered.......witnessing her joy!  Plus I ate the nacho's with cheese and jalapenos....which I loved more than the film plus the trailers and the bucket size cola!  At bedtime she gave me such a squeeze and said that her day had been gorgeous.  I asked if her she could have wanted anything else to make it that little bit more special to which she replied "of course not, how can a day get any better than that?.  And I thought "if only you knew how many people your age would scoff at a day like that" but quickly erased it from my mind and settled for her happiness because, after all, its that which counts the most.

Ellie is such a treasure to us.  She lives in this little world that we feel very protective of.  She is a jigsaw puzzle with pieces slotted in the wrong way, making the picture not quite right but still fitting together and looking as finished as can be.  She is the cup to my cake and my peas to my carrots.  I only have to look at her unaffected, entire being to know that there is good in the world.  And that she knows nothing of anger or hatred or jealousy or greed but instead shows so much love and willingness that those preceding words could never fit into her bubble.  And I want to be with her, in that world and shut out the negatives and the judgements and the mean stuff  and all the other little sprinkling of things that we are drip fed by society.  Im trying to ignore it, I really and truthfully am, but I live in the real world.  I don't think she needs that real world just yet but when she is ready (or even not ready and discovers the horrors of it too soon) then we shall be here for her and battle it together.

Please, please never underestimate a child like Ellie.  Through kids like her we can learn a great deal of ourselves.  I know that I have.

And this is what I conclude.


Bettyann said...

so happy you had such a wonderful day with your darling girl...that is what Mothers live for....:)

Vera said...

Sounds like a fun date with Ellie. No outfit photos from you? :)

Sue said...

Thanks for the videos, although more than one made me cry.

Glad Ellie found some clothes.

So glad you had such a fab day.

Carole Z said...

Lovely post today Kirsty, you had me in tears too :) Carole Z X

Anonymous said...

You are truly blessed with the Curlygirl x
Lots of love
Lulubelle xxx

Rosie (Freycob) said...

Ellie is one of the most genuine & honest people I know. With her there is no alterior motive or agenda. She is kind, genuine and BEAUTIFUL in every way. A true credit to you & Mark . We all adore her xxx

Anonymous said...

Awww. Lovely post, Kirsty. You three are so lucky to have each other - for love and support. Like my DS2, Belle will eventually find her place and way in the world because she has had the wonderful support that you and Mark give her.
(And P.S. the one that really made me cry was the Marine who surprised his sister! TFS.)

Di said...

Aw Kirsty, amazing clips - I think the otters have to be my fave!

What a fabulous post - pass the Kleenex please. Your love shines right through - and Ellie is so very special. Sometimes children are born to teach us things, rather than the other way round. Not everyone understands the lessons but they sure should stop and take note.

Bless you honey for this.

Love and hugs, Di xx

Laura said...

I also have problems with staring people... so much so that I made a bracelet with alphabet beads that said 'dont stare at me' They couldn't see it but it made me feel a little bit better!

I know it's a long way from you but if Ellie likes primates you must try and get her to Monkeyworld. Apart from the woodland walk it is all wheelchairable (is that a word?!) and the people that work there are just so lovely. No one stares, everyone smiles, everyone is friendly, everyone shares their knowledge willingly.

Judi said...

How to start the day with a good cry! Those home coming clips are so moving!

Glad you had such a fab day with your girlie...quality moments, that's what life's all about!

Love Judi xx

Kim said...

your relationship with your daughter is so beatiful, it actually brings a tear to my eye =) I wish more people could see such beauty in the world and appreciate days like the one you had.
& I totally know how shes feel about the hair brushing!! i used to cry (&scream!) so much when my parents brushed my curls too!! its still no picnic now, & i'm 27!!

Jaki Morris said...

I so can not wait to meet Ellie.
It will be such a change for me to spend time with females as my house is always so full of males.

I can spend days like that with George as he is 'different' to most 14 year old boys. I'm sure he and Ellie would get on fantastically well, especially now as he is so into anti-whaling and not eating fish which has been net or trawler caught! They'd have so much to chat about.

Take care and enjoy every single second


sandysewin said...

Thanks for all the early morning tears. ;-) Good thing I hadn't put in my contacts yet.

Yes, the most perfect days are those filled with simple pleasures and the joy of those we love.

Hugs to you and yours,


Anonymous said...

In my experience the happier and more nonchalant we look as a family the less people stare or perhaps it just feels that way because I am not being 'anxious, watchful Mum' and am just being 'happy to be with my beautiful, fun daughter Mum'. I know for sure though that the more positive we are the less stinging the stares are. Either way we Mums of unique and special children know we get to experience something most people never get to and that makes us special too :)

Anonymous said...

Seriously I think it wouldn't hurt to have a flyer ready to hand out to those ignorant excuses that see fit to gawp & stare explaining that you have put up with people so very rude for too long & see fit to put them straight so that next time they see Ellie (or someone equally similar) out & about they might think twice before making YOU feel sorry for THEM being so ignorant!!!
Rant over.
Glad you had a super day.


LindaB said...

Hi Kirsty
Love your message today - our grand daughter has problems with brushing her hair 'knotties' we call them - read this recently and it had worked no problems doing her hair in the morning.
In a spray bottle 1 part conditioner to 9 parts warm water. Hope this helps your daughter.

Anonymous said...

Made me cry - again. I love you both to bits.
x x x x

Debo said...

Not for the first time, your post has left me a sobbing wreck! Sad tears, happy tears and lots of food for thought. You have an incredible gift for communication. Love and strength to your amazing family unit,


Anonymous said...

What a lovely post Kirsty. Thank you Lisa x

Lisa-Jane said...

Oh my, you know just how to get to my heart! I thought of you yesterday because I knew you would understand the pain my brother is in right now. His bulldog died suddenly yesterday.

On the subject of staring, I sometimes stare at people without meaning to, sometimes when I am trying to work something out (very odd hairstyle yesterday and couldn't work out if it was a hat or not). When we were in India, we felt like museum piece because we were stared at all the time but in a really obvious way. We thought it was rude but staring is not considered in the least bit rude there. Once we got over that, it didn't bother us so much. And I would SO stare at Ellie - that beautiful hair warrants far more than a second glance! xx