Ladies Camera Club

14 May 2011

Fondant Creams..........trippy chocolate, a legal high

Mmmmmmmmm Coffee Creams
Mmmmmmmmm Lime Creams
Mmmmmmmmm Rose Creams
How about a luscious hand crafted choc recipe, that you can make for next to nowt and give as a gift or share with other trippy loving choc fiends?

Ive been making creamy chocs for the past few teaching events and have become deft at creating decandent fondants. My favourites, actually, are rose creams but coffee goes down a treat with everyone and hopefully my lime creams will too, tomorrow.

Now, you are supposed to use couveture chocolate so if you are willing to fork out the big bucks for a ton of choc you might NOT use all in one go, then buy it - its the best. But if you want to give my fondant a whirl with some, let's say "cost effective choc", then buy the cheapest supermarket eating choc you can. Not cooking choc - that's RANK! For instance, Tesco and Sainsburys do value choc bars at 32p a slab. Believe me, with my ultrasweet trippy fondant, ain't nobody going to really know you used a cheaper chocolate. And as I have used both couveture and cheap choc, I can barely tell the difference myself. Well, actch, I can. Couveture is so rich that, when combined with fondant, will send you on such a trippy sugar rush that you will likely to carry out a gun wielding criminal offence and not know a single thing about it. Im deadly serious.

So here is my recipe and forgive me, I ain't fancy with measures!

Fondant for all Creams Recipe - choose either one of top three ingredients
1tbs of granulated instant coffee mixed with 1tbs of hot water -> OR
Juice of 1 lime -> OR
2tbs of Rose water
2 tbs of double cream
approx 300g icing sugar (and I mean approx)

First measure out the Coffee or Lime juice or Rose water in a glass bowl.
Then add the cream.
Stir. Don't be limp wristed, I mean really give it some welly.
Slowly add the icing sugar, spoon by spoon. Keep mixing, with a wooden spoon, until its so stiff you think you might die from the strain of stirring it.
Sprinkle icing sugar on a work surface.
Turn out the "fondant" onto the sugared surface, cover your hands with icing sugar, roll into a ball and keep adding icing sugar to the ball to stop it "sweating".
Once the ball feels completely dry, put in a plastic bag, in the fridge for 30 minutes. Take a small piece of it, if you like. It bloody lush. But don't eat loads because it will make you gag - its super, super sweet.
After 30 mins, take out of fridge.
Sprinkle the surfaces with more icing sugar and rub icing sugar on your rolling pin.
Roll out 3 times to make a large oblong. No a rhomboid shape, thats just plain wrong.
Transfer the flattish fondant onto a grease proof sheet, the size of your baking tray.
Keep rolling until 1 cm thick - do keep sprinkling icing sugar on the fondant and rolling pin to prevent stickage.
Place on a baking sheet and set to one side.

Chocolate coverage
Now I think Coffee creams taste better with dark choc. Lime with white choc and rose with milk choc. But you choose - its your baby, you know?
Break 2 x 100g of cheapy choc in a microwavable bowl -> OR
weigh out 200g of couveture choc in a microwavable bowl
Microwave the choc on 30%.
Did you pay attention to that?
Any higher and you will set your house on fire.
Don't think "Sod that, I want to melt it quicker - Ill set it to 100%."
You will fail and I will be sat here as smug as a pig in muck.
So ......30% for two minutes, right?
Then stir
Then approx blast the choc for another 2 minutes until its all melted. Couveture could take longer, it has a higher tempering point.
Once fully melted, pour over your fondant and use a spatula to even out and fully cover the fondant. Lick the spatula as you go along, of course and then further spread the chocolate. Nice to give everyone your germs, I feel.
Once the choc has fully covered the fondant, place the baking tray in the fridge for 45 minutes until the choc has set.
Once set, remove from the fridge and cut the fondant into squares. Give 2 squares to your friends and keep the other 46 pieces for yourself.

PS: You can substitute the flavours with orange and lemon juice, violet syrup or even elderflower syrup. Anything sweet and delish. But I would suggest not dog poo or cat vomit.

PPS: Side effects of eating more than two pieces include, but are not limited to, eyes swirling like a zombie, palpitations from sugar rush and NOT a heart attack, curving upwards of the mouth, salivating at the thought of a date with Jedward and the gag reflexes tested to the limit.


twinkletoe said...


twinkletoe said...

They sound absolutely delicious. I will have to give them a try!!

fionalawlor said...

LMAO!! I wish you had a cooking programme, I would deffo watch it,so hilarious....and yet yummy sounding.
As for Jedward...well they did me proud but Sweden...did you see there fella? Big young..but just as yummy as your chocs hehehehe
Fiona x

Bettyann said...

omh you are so funny Kirsty..I just printed out the recipe..I will let you know if my cr4eams turn out like poo!!!

Sue said...

You are so wicked to give us such scrummy recipes:)

Sue said...

:D :D you do make me giggle!

Lillykins said...

Having done the fab class these were intended for I think I am just about down from the sugar rush - these were amazing !!

Purplestroud said...

Mmmm coffee chocolate was they way to go, fab class Kirsty thanks for making me messy on a Sunday afternoon x

Alison Horne said...

the thought of sex with Jedward has sent me running back to the weightwatchers website, you cruel temptress you with your lime delicious poisons.

Sandie said...

The coffee was my fave, gonna have to make these me thinks!!!

Anonymous said...

...ok,ok,OK! you may have finally tempted me(or laughed my ass off enough)to give these babies a go..I'll be reading them out loud as I go, warned!
Sugary-rush love to the Curlygirl
Lulubelle x

Lisa said...

Oh Kirsty... you do make me Laugh out load!!
They sound delicious!
thanks for sharing
Lisa xx

Shazza said...

Oh these sound fab. Must add a touch or two of Baileys!!!! Delicious x x x

Sam said...

Can you please write a cookbook, I am literally wetting myself laughing at your instructions!!!