There was me, sat minding my own business in my windowless office this afternoon. On sunny days, I have the office door open which opens to a utility room which has another door that lets in light. That door was open too. Tra la la laaaaaaaaaaaaa, things were ticking along nicely on my computer until SHRIEK! HORROR! A dove flew in the utility room and right past my office door and into the kitchen.
I near had a flaming heart attack.
Cool as you like, that damned vermin ridden thing sat perched on top of my kitchen cupboards and wouldn't move. I can't believe I was talking to it and pointing to the exit! But sad to say yes, I stood there and said "Come on, this way" (you flea ridden rat with wings). I was just about to make lunch before the damned thing raided my house and all :( In the meantime, I shut the doors to the rest of the house off and came into my office, with palpitations, to gather my thoughts and devise a plan.
I facebooked my horror, I googled how to get birds out of the house before I rang the RSPB. The girl was great, really calming until she said "you just have to wait for him to find himself out". WHAT? The thing is, the kitchen is in a "U" shape from where he came in so he couldn't see the light to the back door. The windows in our kitchen are the top opening ones and no way would he get out through there. I had visions of making signs with arrows on and the words "coo coo coo"on them so he could read where the exit was.
It was suggested that I grab a towel and throw it over him to trap him and take him outdoors. But the cupboard almost touched the ceiling and there was no way I could chuck a towel over him. No way was I going to get a broom and entice him out with that - no way .... what if he ate me? I contemplated calling the fire brigade. I even wished that Mark would suddenly appear home at 2pm in the afternoon to gallantly save me from this horror before me. I even hoped I could grab a tomahawk missile and blast a hole in my kitchen wall right through to the garden, for him.
By this time I was starving and I was licking my lips in the dogs direction. And there was no way I was preparing food in the kitchen until it had been thoroughly bleached after he had gone. I even looked up Dove recipes on google and sure enough, delicious recipes flashed before me offering temptation at my potential load of fresh game.
HELP ME, I googled again (secretly hoping for divine intervention). And one of the responses in the search read this " It means you are blessed. The bird was sent by the angels. It flys in, takes all your bad luck and removes it from your home. The angels then destroy the bad luck! Remember that when birds are singing, they are praising the Almighty."
Well, that's helpful.
After about half an hour I plucked up the courage to grab a broom and "push" him out of the house and the little sod left me this parting gift on his escape.
Im off chicken for a while. Fish tonight :)