Wanting the best for your kids needn't be materialistic i.e designer clothes and phones - hell, even designer friends; as we often learn everyday in this house.
For us it's about how she is coping, how she is feeling and how she is thinking. I just wish I could get inside that beautiful head and sort all the stuff that doesn't work properly out and bring her up to peer standard. I can't help it, its a mum thing.
She has been doing her first run of assessments this week and because she doesn't quite grasp the concept that these will form her overall marks for this years course work, her sense of priority and understanding is not a mechanism that kicks into gear for healthy study time. I worry that what she is reading isn't sinking in and I worry that she will be sat in the exam room looking at her papers and not knowing a single answer. I just want to do it for her, you know.
So, on Sunday just gone, we kitted her room out with a desk and new chair, cleared loads more stuff out of her room to make way for her room to look a little more teenager-ish. She instantly loved the new look and gave me such a loving hug which I hope meant that "study" was going to be a concerted effort. We often take those little hugs and thanks as immediate gestures of gratitude but will they last???!!!!
On this occasion the grattitude lasted more than a kiss and a hug....she is still smitten with her "grown up" looking room.
Most of this week, my love has poured all her efforts into revising for a science exam today and when I helped go over her notes last night there was not one thing she didn't know the answer to. Do all mothers go through this unnecessary worry or is it just me?!!
We know for certain that Ellie isn't University material and that's fine, its not like its going to come as a shock to us. We have learned to grow with this notion. I didn't go to Uni and I managed to great a great job at just 16 (Royal Air Force for 9 years) and I admit I also struggled through school but it wasn't until my final year that I flourished. However I, myself, didn't have the delays or struggles that Ellie has but thankfully we have been assured by school that next year (year of option) Ellie will not be undergoing a full curriculum. She is being given access to a local college to discover what she best excels in and then the school will focus all the non curriculum time into gearing her up for her chosen studies. Things like History, Music and RE will be dropped in favour of access courses that will give her certificates that will be recognised for potential employment. And whats a complete delight to my heart is that Ellie wants to work in Graphic Design; something she is quite capable of doing. This coupled with architecture would be all her dreams come true.
I hope with all of my heart and soul that they do.