Ladies Camera Club

30 Dec 2009

What do you see?

Tonight, my darling girl and I were solving word searches. They are Ellie's favourite puzzle. We discuss the words and how close some of the words seem to the real searches in the puzzle. We whine and moan at how tricky they are at times but all the same we have a real laugh and giggle about it. We dissect words she doesn't understand and in turn she delights in explaining what she does know; when she can.

I left her to it whilst I prepared our favourite sticky licky chicken dish for dinner. We had an endless amount of chicken to get through as there was a dinner cancellation which meant we could over indulge in honey and lemony chicks. I kept an eye on her to how she was getting on and couldn't help but grab my camera to take this short run of photos.

I am in love with them.
They are her, pure little love on a stick.

Do you like her new glasses? (Thanks Reyanna, for reminding me to get pics of them). She got them just before crimbly and I think they make her look fabulous. She chose them herself which is a rarity and are actually a dark pink although you obv can't tell!

Im glad they make her look a little bit older because, as you know, I worry worry worry. I wish I could not worry and I wish I could pretend that I don't mind and care about her physique/issues. I wish I could get anyone, someone - even everyone to sit and listen to how much I fret about her and her issues and how people perceive them and me. Believe it or not, I very rarely get the opportunity to vent that to anyone who can give me the 10 minutes or so that I need. That is the gods honest truth. That's because when a problem is not your own, listening to others stories and tales are nothing but empty words that you can gloss over with the brilliance of your own magnificent lives.

But life, to us, is not a competition.

To us its survival and gasping for air and full of hope and want and neediness and stomach churning moments of "is that it?" every 6 months or so. You see the look of pity or horror from outsiders (even those within your inner circle) and struggle to contain the motherly instinct of protecting your child with a force so strong that even a slight glare could kill. But I do maintain it and I admit I allow myself to let it bubble and brew within my chest cavity until I can't bear it no more and then blurt it out on here. So here I am, blurting!

Then I look at these photos and I think - "wow, nobody would know anything different about you from these photos unless I explain your age or your issues". And isn't that a gorgeous thing? I wonder if any new reader of my blog would have the faintest idea? Not caring, actch. Im revelling in my relief at how proud I am of myself and HER!

I loved these photos so much I scrapped them straight away - well, after tea....which was A. Mazing. I have had the Home Front line from Studes for a few weeks and thought I'd match them with these pics.

You see the roses.....thats a muslin fabric, wrapped around to form a rose and dipped in ink. I saw that somewhere and Id love to give the original artist some credit but hello? Can I find it....NO!

Also available from the Studes shop are these babies - Bakers twine wound onto vintage bobbins in lots of yummy colours. I think you will see a lot of bakers twine from other manufacturers at CHA 2010 but remember - you saw them at Studes first
And thrown in for kicks and giggles, one of my angels being lit up by my fairy light twig tree - I couldn't resist this, this evening.

Need sleep, I have lemony chicken repeating on me.....hmmmmm, lemony chicken...... **sigh**


Bettyann said...

I hear you..I see you..take care..(((hugs)))

Lukasmummy said...

I'd listen if you ever needed to talk hun. Hugs Crystal xx

S said...

I see a gorgeous girl who has a tower of strengh behind her - lucky girl

Brook said...

I'm always listening....but like any good listener, I try not to talk so much. She does look much older in these picts. I know that I took picts of my boys for our Christmas cards (as seen on my blog) and all of the sudden, my oldest looked like a man. It was a totally crazy feeling.

Anonymous said...

She's beautiful. Great choice. Boys next... :-D
I'm listening Kirsty. I feel your pain - similar thoughts here! Keep smiling and being strong for her. x HeyJude!

Carol said...

I'm here if ever you feel a need to vent hun x

Ellie is just simply.....beautiful.

She is very lucky to have such a wonderful mum and you are blessed to have been given Ellie :) - see....a match made in heaven x

Hugs Carolx

Anonymous said...

Thank YOu for sharing your pics of two beautiful angels.

Stay strong.

Sandie said...

Kirsty - The worry and the "instinct of protecting your child with a force so strong that even a slight glare could kill" is what makes you a wonderful mother. Ellie is blessed to have you as you are blessed to have her. I love when you talk about her in your posts, it gives me the 'fuzzies' to hear a mother talk about their child with such passion and a depth of love that is almost unimaginable.

I'm sorry you don't have an outlet to share your worries and fears. I'd listen.. can't promise I wouldn't cry, but I'd definitely listen :)

Thanks for sharing something so personal.

Fluffy said...

So beautifully put. Love the pout and Ellie has beautiful hands (of course as well as the rest of her)
Always willing to listen
Have a fab New Year
Tracee x

Kate said...

You know the first thing I thought when I saw the pics was did Ellie get new glasses? I need to get a new pair myself so I guess I'm noticing everyone else's. She's looks fabulous!

Deborah said...

They are beautiful photos, of your little angel, and of the Christmas tree angel too. A million good wishes for the coming year.


D@nielle said...

the new glasses look fab on Ellie, she looks older that's true. It is hard for you I know, but hey we your blogfriends are a listening (reading) ear anytime ! I just cannot wrap my head around the meanies you have to deal with so much ....

*reyanna klein* said...

Ellie looks BEAUTIFUL in her new glasses! So grown up... so lovely! Thank you so much for posting pics! And I love that layout. Greatness!

Rosie (Freycob) said...

OMG!!! How gorg does the Belle-meister look in those new specaroonies?! Totally fab and oh, so grown up! Wish they'd been ready and the op-shop had been open when we were up, would love to see them for real on her elfen lil' face!

You know I'm here to listen when you need me.

See you in 2010!


Jet said...

Dear Kristy,

I love reading your blog and looking at all your gorgeous pictures, projects and layout's.
I don't comment very often but this time I felt a need to do so.

Why some people can't see what a wonderful and caring mother you really are, is a flaw in their own character and definitly not in yours. Your Ellie is a beautiful girl and she is being raised by two very caring parents (in my own humble opinion that is). Because in all your posts about Ellie your love for her is always highlighted.

I wish you nothing but good for the coming year.
And if you do need someone to vent to, I will listen.

Henriƫtte KB

Emma - A crazy crafter said...

This is for Ellie. I am loving the specs they are fabulous and I can't believe how fantastic you look in them, so SOPHISTICATED!!!!! I like the sb lo too Kirsty!

It is poo when you have a condition that not many other people have cos there is just NOBODY for you to talk too about it.

Emma x x

kirsticoo said...

She is absolutely gorgeous and she looks a right bundle of mischief and fun... very lucky lady to have a DD like that...

Oooh I just noticed your name is Kirsty and you have a DD called Ellie and my name is Kirsti and I have a DD called Ellie...Weird..

Sending you nice thoughts for the new year... love Kirsti x

cannycrafter said...

Don't bother what others think, I used to be like that and now I think it is their ignorance and short-comings that dare to judge you and your child. Ellie is a wonderful girl with a great character and she will make her own way in the world despite others!!
Love the new glasses BTW!
Lovin' the Studes too! Resisted so far!

Anonymous said...

your post title says "what do you see"......
a loving Mother and beautiful daughter .............
caroline x

mommy2alex said...

I love her new glasses, just fab! That Studes layout is delish!
Happy New Year!!

Terrie B x said...

``Gorgeous` Miss Kirsty:)

Happy New Year to you and yours !!!!!!TFI
love and best wishes for 2010.....:)xxx

Jo said...

Hi Kirsty, I have been following your blog for a few months now and you cease to amaze me with your constant tower of strength and positive outlook on life. You are amazing. These latest photos of Ellie are absolutely fabulous, she seems to have got "older" overnight, I think she definately looks older than her years in these photos, bless her. Just let her be herself as she is, she is fab and has a fantastic character and a lovely caring mum too! Hugs Jo x

Marcea said...

I am reading and listening more than you even know. You have touched me with this post and left me thinking how cruel and magnificant life can be all at the same time. I just want you to know I understand. Yesterday was the 11th anniversary of my beautiful sons death. We had him with us for 7 short years although we were told to only expect 1 year. Mikey had cerebral palsy very severely and probably didn't even know who I was but I will not believe that in my heart. A wierd thing happened yesterday - my fridge freezer was off when I cam downstairs and all the food was ruined. I sat and cried for a couple of hours - not because the food had to be thrown out but I wondered if it was my little angel trying to send me a message. yep, I am a little bonkers but I am a mum like you so I guess you know where I am coming from. Anyway, just wanted to say keep going sweetie and remember there are lots of decent people out there as well as all the ones who will never understand. Sorry to go on about everything, didn't even expect to write this but am not going to hit delete, lol .... stubborn old goat that I am.
Have a wonderful new year hun, for you and your family. I will be back to see how you are all getting on

Cambiel said...

wow! I am overwhelmed both by your blog entry Kirsty, and the outpouring of love and compassion in the comments received. To show understanding, willingness to listen and yearning to help even from a distance; these are amazing people doing amazing things just by being who they are.

I am one among the many who listen, and empathise. Ellie looks fabulous in her grown up specs and I love the layout you made from the photos.

Your passion for family, life and creating are an inspiration. Hurrah for Wiseman and Daughter! xx

Lizzie said...

Those lovely women have pretty well said it all. I can't add anything that they haven't already said so well.
I stop by from time to time, Kirsty, to see how you're all getting on. It's because I do care about you and your family - because you're lovely. I know how it is for you both, and for Ellie. I wish the world was more accepting and the drs more able to help.

Even so, Ellie is beautiful and a sweetie; and she has two lovely caring parents. Whatever life has in store for her, she will have you there to give her the love she needs.

I do love her new specs. They suit her very well and make her look quite cool!

Linden said...

She's beautiful Kirsty. You're so lucky to have her in your life. Your pain comes through your words and we're listening. You're doing the right things - live for the moment and enjoy what you have - in the here and now.

Helen said...

I'm a fairly new (and irregular) blog reader so don't know about your daughter's health problems. All I see is a beautiful girl in very cool glasses who looks fabulous and fun and funny. Love the "stern secretary" look.

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mumtomanyuk said...

Oh Kirsty
My Becky-boo (almost 15)and I walk a similar path to you. Half-term in Wigan this week. Have you the time to drive over and I will get lots of tea and Jaffa cakes in????? Look in your emails hon.
Love Mal