Ladies Camera Club

20 Jan 2009

Im maxed

Today I am at boiling point. But Im all out of steam to even consider exploding. I feel like I need oxygen!
Why?
In a nutshell, Ill explain my last few days...........
Having woken up at ridiculous o'clock on Sat I wizzed over to my birth land (LEEDS!!) to make some paper projects using Craftwork Cards monochromatic line of papers. I sat with 16 new and old friends to enjoy 6 hours of creative indulgence. It was a lovely day and whilst I was there, I met a lady called Lynda who was sharing some of her card makes with a bunch of the ladies. So I had a snoop and I was really taken aback. They were gorgeous and full of little details that made me think "Erm, wow!" Id met Lynda before at Dy's when I taught a workshop before Christmas and I had no idea of her great style of creativity. I promptly asked her to join the team of making stuff with my new product. I couldn't help myself, this lady deserves to show off her talent!
After the event I went into Leeds to celebrate my Uncles 50th birthday. I had no idea that it was going to be such a big event, there were dozens of people there including my fab bro and sis and sis in law. Oh we did have a laugh but I was on drive patrol so was on coke all night which meant watching from my sober eye towards their rowdy antics. All but two of my cousins (which meant a good get-together) were there plus aunties and uncles and loads of extended family members. I swear there was never a moment when anyones camera wasn't in my mush, god help any facebook tagging in the next few days - the delete button may have to get used!

Can my brother and sister ever be serious? Erm, NO!My beautiful niece and god daughter, Emily. see how much she has grwon since THIS picture in 2005 (try not to laugh at how very untrendy my layout is although at the time, it was erm, stunning?!!)
Me, My bro and sister - a very rare picture without one of us mucking about!
My sister - erm, Mucking about. Love my brother in the back ground... nice one, Leigh!Me and my siblings plus my gorge sister in law, kerry xx
My bro stuffing a foot long meat ball marinara down his grinner at 1.30am in the morning. Obv my sister is partaking in the said face stuffing sesh!
On Sunday I got to Dy's workshop after being detained at the gate at RAF Leeming (where my bro lives) which meant almost breaking my neck to get there. I was teaching 5 layouts in 5 hours with 5 techniques and 5 design principles. And we did it - with almost an hour to spare so I had to make something up for the last part so everyone went home with 6 projects altogether. Now that's a bargain class if ever I saw one.
Have you ever been to Dys studio? I LOVE IT - its a proper, working, down and dirty, paint and pots and glue and art everywhere type of studio. It has its quirks and sometimes I just want to roll myself up in double sided tape and stick everything to me. Here it is, all full and interesting - you should go sometime. And these pictures dont include the top end of the studio (ie the shop etc etc)When I got home all I wanted to do was sleep but going to bed early is not something I do very often but anyway, I treated myself to 10 hours sleep and woke up feeling even worse yest morning. I took Belle to school and was going to start on my tax return (yeah, great job....it wont take long but i get confoosed!) but all I wanted to do was veg and then before I knew it it was time to get Belle from school for her millionth hospital visit. I was so tired and grouchy all the way there because I knew Id be doing it again on tuesday. Alderhey is a childrens hospital, they ought to make as many appointments in one day to prevent the kids missing precious school time but no, there was an appointment scheduled Monday and one for tuesday (and you dont get to choose when you have them neither). But when I turn up the admin lady said no, your appointment today was cancelled and scheduled for tomorrow to coincide with another appointment. Well that was it. THAT WAS IT. I almost passed out, burst into tears and walked out. Rather than make a scene (what is the point in flourishing your bad moods elsewhere like I would have done a few years ago) I bit my tongue and walked out. A nurse who chased me up the corridor was so sweet to come and see if we were ok because when I burst into tears, so did Belle and when kids cry - well, it melts peoples hearts doesnt it? In effect we had gone for nothing and time is not a lot of stuff I have a lot of.
And we came home, I just laid on the sofa with belle and the dog and I sat and stewed over it...my blood boiling in the process and feeling too weak to fight it. I guess I was just having a really bad Monday and hopefully Id wake up on Tues with a bit of zing. I think a blast of fruit and veg is in order, dont you?
Belle has opthalmology and brainwaves Tues. Lol at brainwaves, not sure if its called an EMG or something else but i know she is having electrodes glued to her head. I think she was quite excited at the prospect of seeing her brainwaves in a monitor. Talking of brains, she got an enamel badge to wear for a week from Maths. MATHS? I know! My girl is not very good at Maths but this week she is a star pupil so she must be getting better. We are so proud of her. And thinking about it lifts my mood, actually!
**Edited - brainwaves test was actually to test her "photo phobia". Now anyone that knows us as a family unit and have met Ellie will know that she has an aversion to bright light. She always has and constantly hides behind hats, big sunnies and even behind her arms (shielding her eyes). Today we were told under no uncertain terms that there is no pathological reason why she has an aversion to bright light. For 13 years we have been trying to find a reason but today it was confirmed that basically, she has to live with it and she has to learn to deal with it. Cold as you like but straight to the point. So I decided there and then that we shall not continue anymore with further appointment this year and just take the ones offered thus far and just give up looking. I mean, what is the point of upsetting ourselves and Ellie missing school and me missing work opportunities and having doors slammed in our faces? Yes, that's right. Im in that side of a mood which means I am failing her right now by not doing the service of being the caring parent I usually am and what could well read that Im going absolutely friggin crazy over it all. Im sure I will wake up and regret writing this but its how I feel right now.... next week I will probably re-instate my "interfering mother who wont give up and seems to be wasting everyones time"(I even think that I have got to the stage where I am making all Ellies symptoms up right now, they clearly don't exist. In fact, Ellie isn't even my daughter, she is a figment of my imagination. Yeah, its got that bad).
It didn't help that there was an incident prior to the appointment which made me burst in to tears (subsequently, Belle into tears!) because there was a massive hoo-haa over parking at Alderhey. There was no spaces to be seen as it was a massive exam day for students at the hospital which meant we had to park 2 miles away which in turn meant we were an hour late for our appointments. The parents of other children were going crazy about it and I felt sorry for the staff being heckled at. I refrained from such a scene but the tension added to the incident which happened at a reception station when I asked for directions. I really can't be bothered to recall the entire dialogue it but it was a "light the blue touch paper" moment, you know? Grrrrrr.
So there you go.
Not exactly having a few fun filled days but this shall soon pass :)
Im going to finish up editing a few glitches in my product before I show them to you. I was going to you on Monday but this week is horribly manic for us. And anyway, the glitches need an editors eye cos you know me and typos...............

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry it's been such a rough few days for you. I have 2 kids of my own, & can only imagine how heartbreaking and frustrating searching for help for your beautiful daughter must be. Never feel like a failure. Any mother who so obviously adores her child as you do could never be a failure. I hope the next days are better for you. gr

Alex said...

Aww Kirsty, I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. I hope the rest of the week looks a little brighter for you :)

Anonymous said...

Oh Kirsty ! I sooo feel for you. My son was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome a year ago .... he's now 21. Can you imagine going 20 years knowing there was something different about your precious baby and being told all those years he had school phobia and I was a fussy mother? Of course you can! Keep fighting for your beautiful daughter. You are a special Mum and I know you will pull through this - I always do.
Sorry! Am a keen reader; love your blog; have never commented before. Hope you don't mind? Good luck. Hugs to you all. HeyJude!

Zoe said...

Aww Kirsty, puts my bad day yesterday into perspective. Hope your week gets a million times better x

sharon said...

Sending a ((HUG)) your way Kirsty, sorry you've had a crap few days.xx

Kerry said...

I've given up trying to park at our local hospitals. It's cheaper to go on the bus than pay for their ridiculous parking charges and that's when there is even a space.

We have an appointment at at hospital later this week that is currently shut to visitors because of a winter sickness outbreak. Apparently normal appointments are continuing but it doesn't give me a great deal of confidence. Maybe a mask might be the way forward.

I hope you feel a bit better today. You are strong enough to come out of the otherside and it is just a bad few days. We all have them and it shows that you are a good caring mother because you got upset.

Anonymous said...

If I had your address, Ild send you a lovely bar of Green and Blacks but I don't, so I can't, but it's sat here with your name on it!
Big Hugs
Karen Rel
Blog Stalker
Oops, sorry. That was meant to make you feel better but was more like Jim Bowen and Bully's Star Prize "Let's see what you could have won..."!!!!!

Debbie said...

(((Big hugs))) Kirsty I hope you feel better today xx
xDebbiex

Love to Doodle! said...

Grrrr..so not fair...all these ups and downs you endlessly go through..

...but some good news too for Ellie so that must feel good.

...so perhaps today (as a payback)you can lose yourself in crafty chaos...and achieve something nice for you....xx

Deanne said...

bless u all. bloody insensitive hosps. my parents were always in and out of them (i was a very poorly kiddie) and i got tested for everything from leukaemia to bowel cancer!! and they still couldnt find what was wrong with me!!! huge hugs honey, always thinking of you xxxx

Anonymous said...

Kirsty, sometimes it just all gets too much. You really are such a great mother and Belle is certainly in the best hands with you. it is soooooo true that we would kill for our own!

You will soon be back to your usual self, coping with anything that is thrown your way.

I absolutely LOVE reading your blog. You are amazing......

Lisa xx

P.S don't mean to be anonymous but I don't have a blog - sorry!

Tara said...

I know that in a few days you will be back to the motherwhowillpestereveryoneandanyoneforhergirl ... so don't feel even a little bit bad about yourself for feeling like you're "done" right now. Maybe you all need a few days (weeks) off to focus on others things and come back at it full strength.
And just look at this all as interesting reading in a future book. You know you're going to write one eventually!

Anonymous said...

Sorry things are tough but life can be like that can't it! Plan into every day some time for yourself and plan into every time for yourself slot a huge do not disturb notice! Time for yourself does not include crafting as that seems to be a hyper chaotic run around for you. Try and enjoy life when you can and stop to smell the roses along lifes way! There re plenty of lovely things in the world so calm down and enjoy them. The world owes us nothing and so make time to find things you can have rather than seeking things slightly removed from your grasp every day/waking second. Best wishes to you.

michele said...

Big {{{{hugs}}}}} I hope things get better for you, Hugs 4 Belle too bless her. I bet she thinks your a great mummy!!! hugs mx