Ive had some deliveries in my life both from the mail and womb varieties.
It could get rude here but you know me, thats not my style.
The mail ones are less painful, less gory and requires no stitches and lest the disgusting cup of tea afterwards.
Mail ones are the best deliveries although you could deem that little humans are indeed great deliveries but I can't exactly wax lyrical about the joys of giving birth. If I was to be completely honest, I found childbirth horrendous even though I was only in full labour attack pain for 3 puny hours. Nothing prepares you for your first delivery and I will never forgive my mother for telling me that I will forget the pain once the bundle of pink has arrived. It has become abundantly clear over the years that she spoke with a fork tongue at the time and I hadn't noticed the devil horns protruding form her head when she did.
My Fed Ex delivery.
I wasn't expecting anything from Fed Ex and almost collapsed from excitement when they came to my door this morgen. She said I have a parcel for Mr and Mrs Wiseman.
Oh great, I thought, not another bomb from the Taliban.
The thought does pass through my head when we get unexpected parcels, you know.
And in age old tradition I gasped "who could this be from?"
I bet she hears that a trillion times a day.
I looked at the senders address and it was from Las Vegas.
Had Donald Trump seen me on the strip last April and sent me jewel encrusted gifts to woo me. Bluergh, not on your nelly, have you seen his comb over?
Then I saw it was from the Research Facility and my heart practically kaboomed through my chest cavity. I was on my way to dropping Belle of at School and as usual I was a lil late. I raced like hell fire to school and back and every tom, dick and harry were on the roads this morning driving at a speed that Miss Daisy would orgasm over. I chatted to Ellie about what it could be. She really doesn't care, she has Geography this morning and she was geared up for that.
I raced back home, foot to the floor and again - stuck behind millions of other mums on school runs/drop off's. My heart was racing so fast that I could hear it in the echoes of my empty head.
When I eventually got home I ran in, grabbed a carving knife to open the over sellotaped box almost whipping both my eyes out in the process which would have actually been ironic if not slightly funny. Not being able to see this baby would be gods punishment for inside were requests for bloods from Mark and I.
And it looks pretty urgent cos they said get it done and send back on a 24 hour Fed Ex. They even put an ice pack thingy to freeze when we do. I mean, ER comes to the UK. Im so friggin excited. Im tempted to stab my arm with the said carving and knife and draw it myself - they even sent rubber gloves, a torniquet, phials, needles, sterets. Id even hand deliver it if I knew it meant something. Which it might not. But I think they have found something and they need Marks and my blood to rule something out.
Genetics is a mine field of rabbit warrens, twists and turns..... all these chromosomes, DNA, researches and bloods bring new things everyday. But with our little Ellie there is a little hidden imprint that will surely tell a story one day. Christ knows that 13 years waiting is far too long and it seems, recently, that her nerves are starting to judder a lot. Poor love can't sit still at the best of times but the last few weeks she has been cuddling up and when she does, she jerks, shudders and cannot rest for ONE second. Alderhey Hospital have got her earmarked for sleep observations (she does this juddering in her sleep too) but like everything else, there is a looooooooong waiting list for such a test.
But I can't be pissed off with all that NHS shit when research facilities out there are as FABULOUS as this (and if any of you are feeling ultra generous you can make donations there too).
This is turning out to be a bit of a bloody fantastic day......... Ill be back laters.
I posted all the above this morning and now its afternoon.
Ive had a delivery for Ellie which I openend because its mother preogative to rifle through their teenagers stuff.
Well, actually I fib. I don't rifle through her stuff but I knew what the delivery was. Belle has treated herself to a Flip video camera because her phone camera is pretty shizzer and the quality is dire.
So I had a play this afternoon and quite surprisngly, Eddy hated the dame thing - you will not this when you watch this (by the way, turn your volume down as there is a moment where I am forced to scream and also - ignore my accent. I hate it HERE
Then when Belle came in from school, we went through the Fed-ex box and I recorded it. Ellies behaviour is so ad-hoc and I love how she sounds on it HERE
And finally, because you always get a little video happy with a new video - I recorded this for her before I went to walk the dog HERE
Expect more flip videos of total and utter randomness soon. Good job Belle cant use it from 9am to 3pm so that lil baby is all mine.