Ladies Camera Club

14 Oct 2008

Breaking our hearts

My girl got her splints yesterday but couldn't try them out until we bought new shoes tonight. She is a size 11 in her shoe but for the splints to fit properly she has to have a size 1 (three sizes bigger than the norm). And because her school has the most strictest of restrictions on footwear, we had to buy her black trainers and when I mean black trainers, I mean absolutely no colour flashes or anything. This means she has to wear boys trainers. That alone infuriates me. Its not as if the kid is singled out enough without standing out further with hideous boy trainers. No offence to the boys but a girl has gotta have some pride, right?
Im not going to apologise for being on a downer because our hearts are breaking for her right now. She has to learn to walk all over again to correct her valgus heels. We took her to JJB sports along with the splints which she had not walked in yet. I put the splints on which have been measured on her feet when they were not weight bearing. This non weight bearing mould will correct her walking and is actually a good thing for her, when all is said and done. The bigger picture tells a better story but then again, it always does. That positivity is light years away but its a plus and for that I am grateful.
However, when it came to walking in the splints, it was like she was walking on broken glass. I doubt the school are going to give her the one to one she needs for that major shock to her system so we are going to break them in at home for 5 minutes a night, then 10 minutes and so on. In the shop she literally had them on for 30 seconds before I decided that the shoes were suitable for the job. People stared as she howled and sobbed about the discomfort and then she went and tore my heart in two as she wailed "Its not fair, I just want to be like everyone else".
Ellie says this about 4 or 5 times a year to us when she is faced with physical adversity and every time its without warning and it catches my breath. As a mum I ought to be strong for her and in lots of ways I am. I try and keep it together for her; she is my cub, I am her protector. But emotions run wild in this camp and all I could do was wrap my arms tightly around her and cry with her. I didn't care less about the stares or the looks of pity. Right there and then I just wanted to trade physicality with her because that's what I want to do but no such magic exists so we face reality alone. Although, on a lighter note - she might not appreciate what feels like a flaming broken leg if we did make that switch!
So tonight before bedtime, we both went to soothe her into them. She was dressed only in her nightie so we put on some socks, the splints and the shoes and watch her take her first steps. Im not going to lie, she looked bloody awful trying to lift her tiny legs that ended with a massive shoe and ugly splint. Her gait was corrected but the whole affair shocked the hell out of me and mark and we gave each other that silent "Im scared for her" look. She sobbed her way through the short walk from her room to the bathroom whilst holding onto walls and doors. This is not going to be easy and sadly, the hospital didn't give us any advice on the physio of it all. Im so angry and hurt.
As for the hideousness that is the story of my leg, Ive now been advised by the pharmacist to go back to the doctors again as I was standing at the chemist counter tonight waiting for stronger pain killers when my leg gave way and I almost passed out. The pharmacist, who isnt even a flipping doctor, looked at my leg and said that fractures often go undetected. I mean, what made him say that? Plus, a kind girl on the Studio Calico forum even said check it out for DVT. Yurks! I swear to god, if there is anything untoward after all my toing and froing it might just finish me off. Not before I finish my deadline's of course. I have absolutely no time to fit in an injury or illness, thank you very much!

Oh the joy of feet and legs in our house.


S said...

Virtual hugs and prayers all around.

Lukasmummy said...

Oh sweetie I truly feel for you both (((((hugs))))) all around and you will have to settle for virtual cake to go with them, since I can't bake the real thing to save my life. But I am here if you fancy a chat hugs Crystal xxx

Tracy said...

My heart goes out to you both. I have nominated you for a blog award. Drop by and collect from my blog. *hugs*

Helen xx said...

huge hugs to both of the wiseman girlies. hassle the NHS for satisfaction on both scores hun. your chick needs some support to get through this and you need to check out that leg again. Better safe than sorry.

Brodders said...

Kirsty give Ellie a gentle hug from me. She is a brave lassie xxxx
and go and get that leg seen to.

Deanne said...

oh honey, oh god i wept with you reading that. your such a strong family. huge hugs to you all xxxxx
and get that bloody leg back to the doctors :)

Paul B said...

OMG What a brave little girl you have - she obviously gets it from an equally tough and selfless Mum (yes I nkow you might not feel like that but its obvious to an outsider). Love & hugs to the whole family.

Paul x

Dylan said...

Hey sweet cheeks, when we see and hear about Ellie we feel ever so humble. She is the most darlingest baby goddess ever, and it is breaking my heart just hearing about it, so I can imagine the hell you are going through. Big hugs and kisses to you both.xx Oh and flirty hugs to Marki Mark lol

Miss Magic said...

Oh hunny, my heart breaks for you both.
I spoke to you on Sat about my sons feet and the only advice I can offer is "those that shout loudest get most" It maybe wrong but it works.
BTW thanks for a great day on Sat.
Look after yourself and big hugs to you both.

Anonymous said...

crying here sweetie, I so get your pain, it just isn't fair is it. lots of love for both of you!


Rosie (Freycob) said...

Oh hun! How sad, poor gorgeous Belle! I can feel your pain at watching your precious baby suffer.

And as for you my girl..... get that bloody GP of yours to do his job properly and get your leg sorted out!

Big hugs to you both.

Marie said...

Dear Sweet Miss Belle. She's had so much to put up with in her life, but you know she's a trooper, she'll get through this and go on to be stronger than before. I know it's hard to see the bigger picture when you're looking at your child hurting, but you need to be her crystal-gazing eyes on this one and keep faith that it will come good in the end. She's one lucky girl that she has such a caring Mum and Dad looking out for her.

She's a superstar! And I'm sure you won't let her forget that. Wish I could run round there and hug you both.


Jenga said...

Aww hun :( poor Ellie and poor you. Loads of love and hugs - I hope you all adjust to it soon xxx

Amelie said...

much love and painkillers going yours and Ellie's way right now.
i'm blubbing for you both.
i can't even imagine what it must be like having to watch Ellie go through this crap, and with very little professional support from the hospital... it makes me sick that they are like that.

Kate said...

OMG Kirsty! I am not a mother but I can only imagine feelin exactly the same!!
Don't know what to say except that I admire you and your hubby for the strength that you both have and especially your gorgeous little girl. {{{HUGS}} for you all xx

Sarah (UKS Smelly) said...

Oh you pooh things, i feel for you all. We had years of similar goings on with my brother who has cerabal palsey, mainly effecting his legs. We endured many years of splints and hideous shoes, at least you have a choice, my bro got just plain discusting blue boot things.

But as you said, it does eventually get better and there is a light at the end of the tunnel one day. Wish you all the best

Darcy said...

oh how heartbreaking Kirsty, hugs and cake all round!

Kate said...

Poor little sweet thing. Give her a hug for me. I'm so sorry your little lamb has to have such a hard time.

You take care of your leg too and have it looked at again.

I voted for you!!!!

Terrie B x said...

Big (((Hugs))) to Dear sweet `Ellie`So sorry Ellie should have to go through this Kirsty...lots of love:)~X~

cannycrafter said...

My heart goes out to you Kirsty. I can still remeber my son saying to me, all I want to be is normal! It tugs at your heart strings for ever! Get that leg checked agin missus! That is an order!!
take care, hugs, xxx

weewiccababe said...

I can totally empathise Kirsty, my son and and one of my daughters have different issues - but its a constant battle. Have already told you about ESP if you ever need anywhere else to vent.

Andie said...

I am sorry I haven't left you a message before now but I do read your blog on a regular basis. You are such an inspiration and so strong. My love and hugs to all of you Andie xxx

Lynn said...

My heart goes out to you and Ellie. I too know what it's like for your legs to let you down and to have everyone looking at you, but all we can do is take one day at a time and keep smiling :)

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