I should have noticed the spurs on the boots of the Carphone Warehouse salesman who constantly "yeeee-haaaa'ed" when I signed the most disgusting phone contract (to move to Orange) ever in the world - EVER, last week.
Ok. Ok. Ok. I know I signed it at the time thinking it was a deal and a half.
That was until I rang my current provider, O2, for my Pac code (the authorisation to keep my phone number so I could move contractswith ease!). O2 asked why I wanted to leave to go with Orange. So I told them about my supposed fab new deal. O2 murmured that rather cringe worthy "oh dear" and that's when I knew I had been screwed. O2 could do the same deal for £17 cheaper than the deal I had just got with CP.
£17? I mean £17 a month cheaper. WTF?
So I rang Carphone Warehouse head office. I was quite delighted to be able to ring up and tell them I got a better deal elsewhere and that they could jolly well shove their crappo contract somewhere sinister until I was met with "hitch from bell". I explained that I didn't want to carry on with their contract because I had a better deal from O2 and that I'd like to cancel. And the girl answered with the following hideous line
"Dat's what you's got and dat's what you's get and dat's what you's are aving".
Serious, the EXACT words.
I know you think Im bulling you, but really - dat's how she said it.
I actually think its funny in hindsight ....but you know, I dont take too kindly to mean girls.
Other than spontaneously combusting with rage, I threw the phone down and thought "Huh, watch this space, knobbers".
I went back to Carphone Warehouse to pick up the Blackberry the next day (I ordered in a silver one and they had none in stock the previous day). I re-iterated my dilemma to the guy in the shop who clearly has sloping shoulders and wimpered that he couldn't help but James could (the cowboy, remember?). He said he would get James to call. Pass the book, why don't you?
4 days later, no call.
So I rang the little sod today.
Told him my dilemma and he said "Sure, bring it back".
Hooray, Im £17 a month richer, I thought.
So I take it back tonight.
Oh no. Oh dear. Oh how convenient.
No James, he had sodded off to sodsville.
Sloping shoulder guy and Couldn't-give-a-toss guy pretend they don't know how to deal with a return on a phone that doesn't have a "14 day cooling off period" it seems.
They ring head office (probably not really, they were obviously ringing the speaking clock for all it was worth) who said "No - you cant return the phone. Orange won't allow it and neither will Head Office".
Allegedly, if you buy a phone from CP via a T-mobile or Orange network you apparently do not have a 14 day cooling off period to return it. Which is a load of cock and bull - actually.
So I came home FURIOUS tonight and rang Orange direct.
Orange are an AMAZING company themselves.
Very good, very informative and who said that CP are a bunch of knobbers whom are notorious for being rip off merchants. Love it when I get the feeling Im right!
They WILL allow me to close the contract but need to be authorised by CP head office.
So I ring CP head office.
And I quoted "28 days Sales of Goods Act" which guarantees that I can return my phone as its not fit for the purpose of my use.
Knob head CP guy gets all tacky and says "well if its not fit for the purpose, you have to go back to the shop and say so".
Blind leading the frigging blind?
Tune in tomorrow to hear of how the tale ends.
Hopefully not me throwing a rope around my neck and jumping off the banister.