Claridges clearly think I am the skank of the earth and has advised me that I must book at least 6 weeks in advance to even be considered for a reservation. It must have been my northern accent that blew my cover.
The Ritz never answer their phone.
The Savoy is closed for refurb.
The Connaught has gone down the dogs.
But we have got a booking at the Lanesborough (The armpit of all swanky afternoon teas however it IS tres posh).
Ive got my hiking boots to scale the three tie cake stand and a doggy bag to take my left overs in.
Quite possibly I might turn on the plummy accent and ask for a delicious cup of tea as opposed to shouting at the waitress "Ey up Lass, get bleeding t'kettle on and don't spare the flamin 'orses".