Weight: Went to the gym for an induction so effectively I could have lost 3lbs but gave up halfway through the health check becuase I was feeling ill. Brownie points for trying though, huh? So have mentally lost 3lbs... hurrah for me.
Drink: Tea and Water and a cheeky cava and fresh orange.
Cigarettes: None, I dont smoke although the sound of me seems like I inhale 80 a day (thats double of yesterday)
Mood: Not very good. Struggling to crack a smile and enjoy being me.
Photos taken: 34 - trying my 85mm out in the bathroom mirror reflection and it is making me cross with the camera shake on a tripod with no hands at 25ss, F1.8, ISO125, WB Cloudy. Cacka. Studio light packed in so no indoor pics. Double poo.
I went to a place you call a surgery but I call a pit of germs and lergies. Here is how it all went.
Me: "I think I have a chest infection"
Dr Miserable Arse: "You have a chest infection, you say?"
Me: "I guess". Feeble hands clasping together, looking forlorn and ill (blue eyeshadow under the eyes heightens the effect. Did not iron clothes in an attempt to make him think I was unloved and uncared for........ dont think its working - poo)
Dr Miserable Arse: "Have you taken any paracetamol?"
Dr Miserable Arse: "And you still have it"
Me: "No, I thought Id come here to guage if you had made any resolutions about cheering your god darn miserable arse up and to see if you had qualified in medical school- of course I still have it." cough cough.
**Lifts up top - now wishing I had put a white bra on instead of the usual grey one that got mixed up with the darks wash**.
"Put your stethescope on this modest sized chest whilst I wheeze and hack my lungs up."
Dr Miserable Arse: "Aaaaah you have a viral chest infection"
Me: "No shit, Sherlock" (because a viral chest infection superceeds my own diagnosis of a boring chest infection?)
Dr Miserable Arse: "Well there is no build up in your chest right now, I think its wearing off. Have you checked your sputum"
Me: (faint at the mere mention of sputum and heaving at the thought of having to deliver said specimen). "Well it watery and a bit salty"
I spontaneously burst out laughing which makes me cough really hard (good, I thought - just for effect)
Dr Miserable Arse: "Well carry on taking paracetamols and come back in two weeks if it doesnt clear"
What? But I AM ILL. I might not be here in two weeks. I might be in cough heaven. I need anti-bio's. It feels like someone is standing on my chest and my lower back is in the most agoniest of agony in the history of antagonising agonising back pain ever recorded since Spencer Spine broke his back in a backwards flip competition from the back of beyond. I contemplated feigning a coughing fit fuelled with as much projectile sputum this side of Lancashire. But in light of prolly putting my back out, I took a step back and curtsied to the Spin Doctor and walked away from the infected pit of misery in pain. Im sure I will have contracted Crohns disease or something equally as un-infectious from the lergies sat in there - all at deaths door and in dying need of being diagnosed with a headache from Dr MA. Pants and plop. It's a fight now between my anti-bodies, my wobbly body and nobody.
So with no prescription in hand means that empathy will be lacking in the caring department. I mean, its like a ticket to pampered poochdom is a prescription, isnt it? Instead I have to convince Mark that Im still ill. And yes, Im on the computer but its hardly back breaking sat in a warm den with a laptop cosying your thighs up, hot tea by my side, Manic Street Preachers singing to me with comfort and assurance. Pah! Im going to check into a Harley Street clinic and get some proper treatment. Blow the £1200 private fees.
I really have a cough and I really am ILL. Listen....... cough, hack, splutter, choke, belch, cough, cough, cough. Even a deaf and blind man on a galloping horse can see that. And I had a one to one with Elvis at www.thedeaddiagnoseyourillness.com and he said I need medical treatment too. Uh-huh.
Im off to cough up watery salt all night now and hope that a hot water botle might settle me down. If you are sending me flowers to cheer me up I like lillies with no stamens, pink roses without thorns and Irises that last more than 2 days. Thank you xx