Ladies Camera Club

23 Aug 2006


Hola! Viva Espana, Paella, Rioja and all things Spanish. I came, I saw, I found my sanity (and not the missing personality disorder!!) and had a very happy time.

I have purposely kept away from any computers whilst out in Santa Tomas, Minorca. There were plenty of internet access points but I had to keep away even though I also had emails stacking up to the hilt (I came back to 463 emails and only 24 lovely spams. I don't really need viagra nor a penis extension, thank you very much). And that's quite hard for someone who lives on her PC as a point of contact, to work on and to discover the world. I have come to realise that it is not essential to blog. I think I was obsessing about it because of the fact that I could keep in contact with friends and family without picking up the phone to share my experiences by photo's and quotes and expression of daily life. It is not essential. It really isn't. But I do like to. However, I was captivated by the beauty of holiday time and space and family fun but I steered away from the internet because I was haunted by a very untimely email prior to my departure. I'm not going to divulge the great length of the email nor will I announce who sent it. The content of it though made me stop in my track and assess myself fully.

Its not as if I put myself through a self assessment scanner, allowing it to laser me from tip to toe and have it print out my faults in great detail (the email did that) But two weeks away from everyday normalness, the phone, the net, prying neighbours and random crapness has given me the time to have a really good think. And boy, do I think when I am having my "me" time in the sun, in between splashing in the pool, eating ice cream, quaffing Sangria. As Mark and I took it in turns to mind Miss Belle, I lay on the granite worktop style sun beds and I lay and thinked. A bad back is not the only thing I thunked about neither. Laying there, thinking about that email should have been the last thing I was doing. But it cut me and the wound was definitely not healing. The views of the sender of that email felt like it was the views of uneducated others too. No amount of the Mediterranean sea salt could repair the damage until I picked up a particular book. I had brought two books to read and this book was not one of them. It was in the apartment strewn amongst hundreds of other well thumbed holiday reads. This book was to shape my mind about the weeks prior to my holiday and how I will manage to deal with the email upon my return.

The book is a biography and I am huge fan of biographies. Love, love, love them. Its like the reality tv of books. I am incessantly intrigued by other peoples highs and lows and their successes and failures. They are a barometer of which you can measure your own life and allows me to appreciate what I have/do not have/could possibly have. I guess I romanticise about how thrilling it is to come out a survivor. After all, we are all survivors and life is survival. And choice, it seems. But how come, when it comes to survival, I am constantly gasping for air? Why do other people have copious amount of air supply?

I digress. The book......

Well, funnily enough this persons life is documented by his wife. Both of them, in real life are comedians (although she is now a doctor and he has an honorary doctorate). I couldn't put this book down, I was obsessed. Not only was I reading the hardships of this comical genius (whose life you would expect to be financially fantastic and would be without a care in the world!) but I was starting to realise and understand my own struggles. And boy, we all have them.

I love books that have you gripped by their ever word. Ones that you can’t put down and its quite hard when you are supposing to be chucking Ellie around a pool and feeding her endless ice creams, but mark could see my fascination and let me sail through that book in a day! I literally was that consumed, absorbed and enchanted and finally I was breathing in time with the flow of the book. Big breaths in and wonderful wisps of exhalation. The climax of me regaling this tale lies solely on one piece of advice this comedian relied on throughout his life. When I read that piece of advice I read it again and again. And I smiled and the whole of my anxiety rose and burst into one almighty bang and simply diminished. It was as if my life was waiting for this book to happen, like my guardian angel leading me to this serendipitous moment because I had not planned to read it one bit.

The line .... ooooh, I knew you were waiting for it. It's a simple but not uncommon piece of advice but it defies the feeling of hurt and desperation that I had suffered when I received that pre-holiday email. It read

Never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.

Think about it.

Think about it before you make a remark or comment about someone or something you clearly know nothing about. Gather your facts before your respond to a situation and most of all be sane, clear minded and unbiased before you do. If everyone in the world stuck to this teeny one liner there would be no war, terrorism and basically no stupid one sided views in newspapers, parliaments, governments and tabloids. I have no desire to set sail on a crusade to "turn" you all by trying to make you heed this advice but if you want to do something today either become a Buddhist (and I’m seriously in favour of that right now!!) or don’t pass judgement in haste. Be silent in your reactions and think about how you deal with your assumptions. But for gods sake, don't take a thrill in offloading your anger on your "misjudged" victims. Karma happens because it er, just does!! I believe it. I believe.

And I believe in a man called Billy Connolly.

What Now?
Well coming back to hundreds of emails was a flipping nightmare but two of them have really surprised me. Well actually, one doesn't surprise me and the other well ... just doesn't surprise me. LOL. Im so sad to see someone who I hold dear leave a publication I also hold dear. And the other just sent me rising to the height of explosion but then I sat and thought about it and didn't bother reacting after all. See how easy it is? You can do it too.

And the changes?.... Aaaaaaahhh, wait and see-diddly-see.
Glad to back though everyone and I have missed you all a teeny bit xx


Roz Roz said...

Yer she is back, so glad your back hunny bunny, confused by your blog but glad your home safe and sound.

Roz Roz said...

Please disregard my earlier comment, have now read all of your blog post, I'm sorry you got a email that upset, but I'm so happy you have now chosen to take the higher path about it, disregard people who hurt you in your life, they are not needed, only keep the ones that make you happy, Life is far to short to be bothering ourselves with other peoples petty ways. Keep yourself centred and go and read Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Alban, will cause a few tears but will also make you appreciate how short life is and how we should live our lives to please ourselves and not others.

Take care of yourself hunny, sending you big blomming hugs and loves, your Gypsy Rose. xxxx

Shell said...

Yay your back!!!!! I too love the same book and I'm inspired to re-read it!

Jen said...

Darling Kirky! First of all, glad to have you back, and in such a great frame of mind ;) Secondly, may I just say that I am CONSTANTLY amazed by how horrible people can be. Maybe it's because my darling mum brought me up this way, but I would never DREAM of sending hurtful emails to people, whether I know them or not (ok, let's excuse my ex husband but even then, I'm learning to rise above it and exhale...). If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all is kind of my maxim. Love that you read that book and that it brought you peace. I was going to read it; well now I can't WAIT to read it! Keep being you. Keep the faith. Love you loads xx

bookit said...

you are JUST like me....often when i read a book it really 'touches' me. ...and i swear it was written just to teach me something about my own life!
have you ever read 'the celestine prophecy' by James Readfield? if! it's all about destiny and how the advice we need finds us at the time we need it in one way or another. i have no idea what your emails were about or who they were from, but YOU are the only person who can judge YOU. i've been reminded recently that life is for living...enjoy and don't be dragged down by others!
talk soon girlie ;)

Chrissie said...

I completely agree...great post Kirsty. Well worded.

I really like that book too...and there's also Billy Connolly's autobiography which is an EXCELLENT read.

julie said...

Thats a fab book and so glad its helped.I also have the tuesdays with morrie so will lend it you as its very thought provoking.
Take care hun till I see you soon I hope.
julie xxx

joanna said...

Really, really missed you - I am so sorry you had all that upset before you went, and that it was on your mind whilst you were away - that's totally poo. You DO sound refreshed, re-energised and in a positive frame of mind. You should be proud to do your own thing - and any ar*ehole who sees fit to judge can go p*ss up a rope (in the words of 'Rude Kid', Viz :D) - don't approve this comment if your other readers are of a nervous disposition!!! Love you xxx

P.S. Check out my new blog LOL xxx

Sue said...

Not read the book but do try to always think of those words AND understand that people don't really know me ( and my situation) until they have done the same.
Glad you are able to non dwell on crap really is NOT worth it.
Missed you :) :)

Hebe said...

Glad you're back and had a good time. Keep rising above it all and go for whatever changes you're aiming for.

Tracey said...

Glad you're back safe and sound Kirsty - missed your quirky blogginess. Sorry to hear about the email. It is all too easy to flame someone by email or on a forum when the full facts are not known and before trying to resolve the issue by contacting you directly etc - I can speak from experience. But as you (and I don't know the content of the email you had) I disregarded and put it down to experience. Chin up chuck!! Whatever happened to just being nice - which you are constantly even to strangers...

Kathryn said...

so glad to see you back darling, and glad that thebook and the holiday have been good for you.

Anonymous said...

Glad you've had some quality family time. Its lovely to have you back. Rise high above the hassles and don't change - we love you as you are! Remember you're a very special person - just ask ellie and mark. Sharon Speakman (diamonddiva) x x x

Caroline said...

So glad to see you back Kirsty. As for the nasty person take a hike, Kirsty is one of the sweetest,lovliest people I know.

Fiona (aka Erisindevon) said...

I have missed your blogging - have checked for you every day! Glad you're back, and had a good time. Sorry to hear people have been mean to you :( Glad you can rise above it. And the 'walk a mile' line is certainly one to live by. xx

Clare said...

I was today touching and drooling over some of your fabulous creations at Art from the Heart and missing you - you have been away much too long - *bess chrissie hynde impression* You're speshal (speshal) so speshal (speshal) and dont you ever EVER let anyone tell you different xxxxx

Sally R said...

At last you are back! Do you know how many clicks I have made to this site awaiting your return????

Glad you have re-charged, re-energise and re-appraised life and your reponse to it. You know my views on life!!

And yes, I think that Billy Connelly quote is superb and I try, but sometimes fail to remember it. But aside from all that, rise above it, girl, rise above it!

Nicki said...

Glad you had some great downtime.
Sod the email they are probably just jealous as well as ignorant.
The book that made me think differently "Angel Healing" Doreen Virtue.

Susan said...

Glad you had a good holiday.
Take care of yourself, your man and your beautiful daughter and let everyone else take a flying er leap(!).

PS...and after you have walked a mile in his shoes you can call him what you like cos he is a mile away and barefoot ;)

Christi Snow said...

Kirsty, I am so glad to see you back and am so saddened by your post that someone would choose to attack you. Your wonderful spirit shines through on a daily basis and I love to read your blog because it is uplifting. (((hugs)))

Caz said...

Some people are just pathetic and truly don't deserve the precious air their steal every day!

So glad you're back, I totally missed your daily blah blah, it gets me through the day and always makes me smile. Well except today when I was so sad someone upset you.

Take care chick

Suzanne said...

I've missed you so much too. Really pleased to hear that you've got things sorted and that quote is a brilliant one to live by. That and the old adage "do unto others and you would others unto you".

Sounds like that holiday was well deserved and very insightful too.

amberjane said...

Babes you are back (((hugs))) miss you and I too loved that book - it is one of the few I read cover to cover without a break this year :)

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